How I accepted my pain (and began to heal it)

For the past three or four months I have been experiencing varying degrees of back pain. It began when I was on holiday in January and has continued to a greater or lesser degree ever since. The past three weeks, since a long haul flight, have been particularly bad.

I have been taking action to resolve it of course; osteopathy, massage, shiatsu, EFT, homeopathic remedies, masses of stretching and yoga, shamanic healing …. yep, it’s cost me a fair few quid so far, and I get some relief for a while and then it gets worse.

Yesterday it was particularly painful. I’d had an uncomfortable night (perhaps not helped by being sandwiched between a husband and two cats) and even my usual morning stretching routine didn’t help. I did my stretches, a 40 minute meditation, some tapping (“even though I have this terrible pain, I love and accept myself”), a Pilates class, a gentle walk … you get the picture. I’m not lifting heavy weights or sitting in the armchair waiting for it to go away.

By 5 o’clock I had probably reached the bottom of my levels of tolerance, and for some reason I thought to myself “OK, let’s see what happens if I just allow this pain to overtake me. Chances are it won’t kill me”. So instead of trying to find a solution, and resisting the pain both mentally and physically, I surrendered to it. I lay on the floor, in considerable discomfort and allowed it to wash over me. And I allowed myself to accept it, to learn from the lesson it had come to show me, and to stop resisting it.

I’d love to say I had a Eureka moment and it all disappeared, but that would be a lie. However, at 3am I woke up for no apparent reason and I had total clarity and understanding of what was happening in my body and why I had this pain. In itself, that was quite scary as my brain immediately went down the path of worst case scenario, but after a few minutes, with this new knowledge I made a plan of what treatment I needed and how I was going to tackle it.

Then I went back to sleep and woke up almost pain-free, for the first time in weeks. And I got out of bed and remained almost pain-free. I completed my meditation, communing with the things that had been indicated to me at 3am. I sent love and forgiveness and thanks (the Ho’oponopono mantra “I’m sorry, please forgive, I love you, thank you” is very good for this) and did twenty minutes of deep cleansing breathing.

And still my back felt pretty good, although I was tentative about doing anything which might upset it. But I’ve done six hours in the clinic, and a yoga class, and it continues to feel pretty good.

I still need to do more work on what was highlighted to me, but today has been a GOOD DAY. And the main reason for this is that I’m no longer fighting against my back pain and resisting it. Rather I have accepted it, loved it, thanked it, and asked it to show me what I need to do next.

I am NOT saying this is easy. Lying on the floor allowing and accepting the pain excruciating, perhaps on a par with really bad toothache or earache. BUT, so far, it’s been worth it for the change in my mindset and the shift in my pain.

I know many people who have ‘healed’ their backs through a change in thinking. There’s an interesting book by John E Sarno called Healing Back Pain on just this subject. And undoubtedly, if you can take the step to let go of resistance and turn it to acceptance, your body can benefit at every level.

I’d love to hear your experiences; please do share them.

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